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Zombies, Bike!
Prepare for a change of pace as you take to your wheels, but get peddling - the zoms don't intend to give you a free ride. Cast * Sam Yao * Simon Lauchlin * Jody Marsh * Owen Landis Plot Get Peddling You and 3 are using some rather impressive bikes stolen from the local bank's sheds, but 4 and 6 have not been as lucky. Free Wheeling Runners 6 and 4 are having issues scaling the hill on their less-than-adequate bikes. Runner 3 suggests creating a distraction for the lurking zoms. Don't Forget The Fishing Rods Runner 3 leads the way through the shopping centre up to the camping shop. You grab what you need and head to the exit via the multi-storey car park. Backy As it looks like you're in the clear, Runner 3's tire blows out - the only way for him to escape unscathed is for you to give him a backy. Very Uncomfortable Indeed The zoms are gaining on you now you're carrying the extra weight of Runner 3. Runner 6 offers decoy duty in repayment for you protecting him earlier. On A Bicycle Made For Two Sam is delighted to hear about the multitude of supplies you collected from the camping shop and suggests you treat yourselves to a lovely rural bike ride. Transcript SAM YAO: Right, guys, bit a different one for you today. You won’t be running, you’ll be bicycling! Which, uh, yeah, you probably realized because, you know, you’re on bikes. SIMON LAUCHLAN: laughs It’s not just any bike. A BH Aerolight 9.9 triathlon. Do you know how much this baby is worth? SAM YAO: Uh, no. SIMON LAUCHLAN: No, me neither, but it sounds really impressive. And Runner Five has got a Crystal 7.9 road bike, which also sounds pretty impressive. Not to blow my own trumpet or anything, but breaking into the bike sheds at Mackenzie Davennon was a brilliant idea. Bankers really know how to spend other peoples’ money on top kit. SAM YAO: Okay, I’m getting you on my long-range cams now. Three, Five, you’re looking good. Um, Runner Six and Runner Four, are you okay riding those things? OWEN LANDIS: Bloody hell, mate, why didn’t you just give me a tricycle? I know five-year-olds who would be embarrassed to ride this. JODY MARSH: Don’t know what you’re complaining about, Landis. At least you’ve got gears. SAM YAO: Great. So, you’re on your bikes, cruising along comfortably - JODY MARSH: snorts Comfortably? SAM YAO: - the sun’s shining - OWEN LANDIS: No, it isn’t. SAM YAO: Well, the sun’s metaphorically shining, the breeze is in your hair, and you’re off to raid Leisurefield Shopping Center! JODY MARSH: Isn’t that place absolutely swarming with zoms? SAM YAO: Well, yeah, but it’s brand spanking new, which means it’s wheelchair accessible, which means it’s also bike accessible. You can outrun the zoms on cycles, and there’ll be no engine noise to attract them. SIMON LAUCHLAN: laughs It’s an inspired plan. OWEN LANDIS: Wasn’t it your idea? SAM YAO: Hmm, there’s a couple of zoms behind you guys. Might want to get peddling. SAM YAO: Right, you know those two zoms who are after you? Yeah, now there are five of them. And three of them are wearing jogging pants and tops saying “Jim’s Gym”. I think they might have been personal trainers. Definitely moving like they’re personal trainers. Do you think you could, well, you know, maybe speed up a little? OWEN LANDIS: We’re trying. Don’t know if you’ve noticed, mate, but we’re going up a bloody great hill. SIMON LAUCHLAN: It is a bit steep, but I can hardly feel it. This bike is amazing! JODY MARSH: Have I mentioned that this bike hasn’t got any gears? growls SAM YAO: Uh, yeah, in retrospect, maybe we should have hunted around for better bikes. JODY MARSH: Oh, really. Do you think so? SIMON LAUCHLAN: Hey, don’t worry. Five and me can draw them off, can’t we, Five? We can ride rings around them on these beauties. SAM YAO: Oh yeah! Yeah, okay, that could work! Oh, wait a minute, Three, not literal rings! SIMON LAUCHLAN: Woohoohoo! This is fun! You can’t catch me on my super duper bike, Miss “I used to be a personal trainer who did juice fasts every Thursday, and now I’m a zombie, so what good did it do anyway?” laughs as he loses control SAM YAO: Watch out! SIMON LAUCHLAN: control No, no, I’m good, I’m good. Maybe I shouldn’t cycle quite so close. SAM YAO: Runner Four, Runner Six, how are you doing? OWEN LANDIS: She’ll be apples, mate. Almost to the top of the hill. SAM YAO: Three, Five? You can stop distracting the zoms and make a break for it. SIMON LAUCHLAN: All the way to the top of the hill and – woohoohoo! I love freewheeling! SAM YAO: Okay, guys, you’ve just moved out of my long range cam coverage. The zoms took them all out around here. How’s it looking? OWEN LANDIS: I can see the shopping center, now. Bloody hell, that place is bigger than the Sydney Opera House! What do they sell in there? SAM YAO: Oh, you know. Toys, clothes, DVDs. Little pottery owls. But we thought we’d try the outdoor store today, up on the fourth level. Should be lots of useful equipment, and some fishing rods if we’re lucky. Fancy a nice bit of cod. Ooh, yeah, cod. Cod, chips, and mushy peas. JODY MARSH: Nice to know we’re risking our lives on a good cause. SIMON LAUCHLAN: Um, we’ve got a clear run through, Sam, but there’s plenty of zoms. SAM YAO: Yeah, I can see them through your headcam. Hmm, there really are a lot of them, aren’t there? OWEN LANDIS: Uh, yeah. SAM YAO: A whole lot of undead just shambling around like some kind of commentary on the mindless consumerism festering at the heart of late capitalism. JODY MARSH: Uh, yeah. So, any idea how we’re going to get around them, before we just cycle straight through them in about, let’s call it thirty seconds? I’m not feeling great about this, guys. SIMON LAUCHLAN: Did you know I was in the running to represent Britain in the BMX event of the 2012 Olympics? SAM YAO: Really? SIMON LAUCHLAN: Don’t be daft. But I did ace the slalom in my cycling proficiency test. We can weave in and out of them, no problem. You ready, Five? Ready, guys? Let’s go! SIMON LAUCHLAN: Woohoo, yeah, this is great! laughs OWEN LANDIS: Bloody hell! JODY MARSH: screams SAM YAO: Careful, guys, there’s zoms to the – veer right! Yep, yep, that’s it, you’ve missed the group on your left. Swerve by the two with their arms hanging off. Circle the skater boy zoms. Lucky they don’t actually have skateboards. SIMON LAUCHLAN: Yeah, we do know what we’re doing, Sam, mainly because we’re doing it. SAM YAO: I know, I know, but it makes me worry less about you if I just remind myself. Yeah, yeah, quick, up that ramp, and there’s the camping shop now. OWEN LANDIS: The zoms are really close behind, Sam. SAM YAO: Can you stay on your bikes while you shop? JODY MARSH: The doors are open. It’s a tight squeeze, but – we’re through! SAM YAO: Brilliant. Grab everything you can. Uh, don’t forget the fishing rods. SIMON LAUCHLAN: Grab them, Runner Five! SAM YAO: Zoms closing in fast, guys! SIMON LAUCHLAN: And we’re out! JODY MARSH: But they’re right behind us. Gah, I can smell their breath! SAM YAO: Head left, and peddle fast. You can get out through the multistory car park. SAM YAO: Is it just me, or are multistory car parks like, the creepiest places on earth? I mean, even before the zombie apocalypse. They always seemed like the kind of place that people get stabbed in the stomach by feral youths and slowly bleed to death. OWEN LANDIS: Thanks for the image, mate. SAM YAO: Oh, yeah. Uh, sorry. Um, I can see a big zombie pack behind you, but you’re a good fifty yards clear. Nice peddling, guys. SIMON LAUCHLAN: Yeah, I think we – oh! hisses SAM YAO: What was that? OWEN LANDIS: It was broken glass on the ground. Three’s blown his tire out. JODY MARSH: So much for your super duper bike! SAM YAO: Uh, can you run for it? OWEN LANDIS: You saw how it was outside, Sam. Even if he gets away from the ones behind, the whole place is totally surrounded. SAM YAO: Yeah, um. I thought there was a reason we tended to prefer runners to bikers. SIMON LAUCHLAN: There’s only one thing for it. Runner Five, you’ll have to give me a backie. Slow down a sec. squeal Thanks, Five, you’re a gem. Now bike! Bike for both our lives! SAM YAO: I’ve just caught you on long range cams coming out of the car park. Oh, and a whole lot of zoms coming out after you. They’re really close, Five. Can you, um, well, you know, speed up a bit? SIMON LAUCHLAN: Um, Five’s going as fast as anyone can with a great lump like me on the back of the bike. I think you might have to leave me, guys. OWEN LANDIS: Not going to happen, mate. We’ll draw some off you. Right, Jody? JODY MARSH: Since when did you get to volunteer me for suicide duty? OWEN LANDIS: Since it was down to us to save Five and Three’s lives! SAM YAO: Can you do it, Four? JODY MARSH: Alright, fine. Over here, zombies, follow me. OWEN LANDIS: Over here, you bloody tools! SIMON LAUCHLAN: Come on, Five, you can do it. Keep on pushing those peddles. SAM YAO: It’s working! Six and Four have drawn most of them off, but those three old ladies just aren’t giving up. SIMON LAUCHLAN: I know! Stairs! SAM YAO: What? SIMON LAUCHLAN: Zoms don’t like stairs! Neither do old ladies, come to think of it. There’s that big flight through that arch, leading to the town center. Oh, I spent many a happy hour there before the apocalypse, re-enacting the introduction scene from the Sound of Music. SAM YAO: You want to go down all those stairs on the back of someone else’s bike? That doesn’t sound very comfortable. SIMON LAUCHLAN: Less comfortable than being eaten alive by zombies? SAM YAO: Mm, good point. SIMON LAUCHLAN: Okay, Five, swerve past that chestnut tree. Through the bollards, and sings here we go! You know, you’re right, Sam, this really is very uncomfortable indeed! There really are a lot of steps - are they ever going to end? Oh, thank goodness. SAM YAO: Nicely done, Five! Now, get peddling! There are zoms moving in from your left. SAM YAO: Good news, guys! You’re entirely zombie-free. I think you can hop off Five’s bike now, Three. SIMON LAUCHLAN: Oh, great. Ah! Oh, my poor bottom. SAM YAO: And you’ve still got all the supplies you picked up, haven’t you? SIMON LAUCHLAN: Yes, Sam, I’ve got your fishing rods. Plus some camping stoves, thermal underwear, water purification tablets, and a Swiss Army knife with about a thousand different blades. SAM YAO: Ooh, always wanted one of those when I was a kid. SIMON LAUCHLAN: Yeah, it’ll really come in handy if you’re ever in need of an emergency corkscrew or urgently require a nail file. SAM YAO: Good job, guys. Thanks. SIMON LAUCHLAN: Oh, and uh, thank you for resisting the urge to make any terrible bicycle-related puns. SAM YAO: I was quietly whistling “Daisy, Daisy”, earlier, does that count? Now, Five, you’ve got the top-of-the-range bike. You’ve got open roads ahead of you, which are also – and I’ve checked – entirely zombie-free. So, um, yeah, why don’t you treat yourself to a lovely rural bike ride? You’ve earned it.Category:Side Mission Category:Season Two